Monday, April 26, 2010

Baby Shower and house warming

Went to Thousand Oaks to see Josh and Molly for the weekend. Saturday was the baby shower for Brady and house warming for the kids. They have such a nice, diverse group of friends I wished we lived a little closer so we could visit more often.
Because of all the out of town guest I stayed at the "Best Western" there. I would NOT recommend it for a few reasons. One, I asked for a room that was as quiet as possible - They booked a very large party in the banquet room right across from me. When I called to see how long the party was going to go they told me I could "up grade" to a room further away (pay me more money and I will make you happy). That also meant I would have to get dressed and pack my bags and move. Now, I made this reservation well in advance and I think it was a set up! Two, the tub had a drain issue the first night also. Three, Did I mention that the continental breakfast host was also the maid and she was cleaning the restrooms and I had to ask for coffee (it was out). Naa, I would not recommend this place.
The party was good even though I'm suffering from a blown knee and awaiting surgery. I just couldn't be as active as I'd wished. Had fun and the stay was short now I'm ready for the summer to come so this knee thing will be a thing of the past.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Starting another blog

I started another blog today. africahope-highlinechristianchurch just got published. My hope is that I can ecourage others to post comments and the like here. It will also let other interested parties to follow our journy.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Today feels like a rainy day

Today feels like a rainy day partly because it has been raining off and on. Also, I miss my walks with Donna. I miss holding her hand, all the hugs and kisses and most of all just being with her.
I'm tired of hurting both physically and my heart. While on vision/dental mission trip I fell over a curb (backwards) and landed on a raised sidewalk with my lower back hitting the edge and my upper body landing on the walk. That was a week ago and it is still very tender. Monday I go see about getting my meniscus repaired and see if I damaged anything else, that hurts too! I don't have time to be hurt! I want to go for a walk, pain and all, but I'm tired of doing it alone.
The rain has let up and I can go outside and get some yard work done. Hey, the sun might even shine a minute or two. Lord, thank you that I'm not paralyzed and have the use of all my limbs. Lord, thank you that I have arms and legs to feel pain in. Lord, thank you for the time you gave me with Donna. Lord, thank you for loving even me, the wreck that I am. thank you Lord, Thank you!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

One Year Later!

Today is the one year anniversary of my wife's death. It is with mixed emotions that I write today. Donna was special to a lot of people. The position at work was never filled - it couldn't be! Her job was spread out amongst many. She touch many people through out the world. Her hands and heart touch so many, but most of all, she touched me. She lifted me up when I was down, she sat me down when I was high on myself. She could walk hand in hand and not have to talk. She could hear before words were spoken.
I want to share her last words and the last moments of her life because this too was special. I want not to offend anybody by sharing this but it is on my heart to do so:
It was the middle of the night, 2 AM or so and she called my name. I rushed over to her hospital bed,(now set up in our living room)and took her hand. She asked me to help her set up because her back was sore. I sat her up and rubbed her back a bit and she looked at me saying "OK, that's better". She then laid her head on my shoulder and said "thank you, I'm ready to lay back down." I laid her back down and we held hands for a few minutes, she just talking about stuff that needed to be done, when suddenly she got a big smile on her face. She started saying " I've got to go, sorry I have to leave now. Good bye, bye - bye, I've got to go" she then put her other hand over her heart and said "amen,amen." The last words spoken bye my loving wife.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Visitor

It was a dark night, caused in part by the cool drizzle that fell. I sensed, more than saw movement in the distance. I scanned the way in front of me but saw no one. Who, but me, would be out on such a night as this?
Home at last, I step into the doorway and hang my wet coat, am I alone? The house is dark except the light by my recliner that I left on upon my departure. It's been a long time since I came home to a greeting, a long time since I came home to anything. As I go down the hallway to the bathroom I again feel that I am not alone, I look around but see nothing.
After having a cup of tea and writting in my journal I'm more than ready for bed. I climb the stairs to my bedroom and again it seems like someone is right there but I can't see anybody. I have the lights on, nobody in the room, I check the walk-in closet, nobody. I check the bathroom, nobody! Am I going crazy?
As I drift off to sleep I try to look back on my day, what did I do and were my actions wasted? Sleep, uninterrupted sleep!
Awe, a new day!
Something is stirring in me, I need to do something special. It's a beautiful day. Fresh from last nights rain and now the sun shines bright in the clear blue sky. Yes, go out and enjoy the day. But wait, my friend is near. I can feel Him. It's like he is calling my name. No words are spoken but I can still hear my name, weird!
So, I start getting ready. I'm going to go for a bike ride on one of the many bike trails made for us in the great Pacific Northwest. I'm ready to head out the door when I notice my bible sitting open on the floor next to my recliner. Did I leave it there last night? Did I read in it yesterday? And then, I hear my name again!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Why me? Thanks anyway!

I should have known it was going to be one of those days. My knee hurt more than normal during my work out this morning. Then, breakfast was out because I didn't go to the store last night and had nothing good to eat.
If I had gone to the store last night I would have realized that I had left my sunroof open and my back window down. Did I mention it rained last night? I had about a half inch of rain in my cup holders and both front seats were soaked. I made do with a large towel on my seat but then noticed my airbag light was on, must have been the rain on my steering wheel. My seat dried out pretty good but then the seat heater for the passenger side didn't heat up to help dry out the seat. Must have been the soaking from the rain.
Got downtown (something I avoid is going to town), and found that my friend (Pro-Tem Judge) was only working the morning calendar and had already gone home.
Got a call from my tax person and was informed that I would not be getting a refund this year. I in fact will be paying a few thousand dollars. Ok, I'm choking at this point.
I think, I'll watch a little TV and just chill. What could be wrong with just sitting back and relaxing? I'm watching a dumb movie and the picture keeps freezing up and going into contortions so I figure Eh, I'l just switch because it is a pretty dumb show. So now it is a different channel, different movie and the same thing happens AUUUGGG!
All this on top of my mother-in-law dying of cancer last week and a friend dying of leukemia this week! My wife died a year ago, next Sunday, of cancer.
Has it been a crazy time for me? Oh yes! Is it about me? I guess the answer is yes in some ways (I've got a lot to learn), but I'm still alive and kicking and someone needs me strong and ready so I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself.
Lord, what is it you want me to see?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Take Up Your Cross

Well here I am Lord! You said "take up your cross", and I am here to do it. It's not easy, you know, this self-denial thing. I mean to go through with it though Lord, yes Sir!! I'll bet you wish more people were willing disciles like me. I've counted the cost and surrendered my life and it's not an easy road. Do you mind if I look over these crosses? I'd kind of like a new one. I'm not fussy, you understand; but a disciple has to be relevant these days. I was wondering... are there any that are vinyl padded? I'm thinking of attracting others, see? And if I could show them a more comfortable cross, I'm sure I could win a lot more. Got to keep up with the population explosion and all. And I need something durable so I can treasure it always. Oh, is there one that is sort of flat so it would fit under my coat? One shouldn't be too obvious. Funny, there doesn't seem to be much of a choice here. Just that coarse, rough wood. I mean, that would hurt. Don't you have something more distinctive, Lord? I can tell you right now, none of my friends are going to be impressed by this shoddy workmanship thing. They'll think I'm a nut or something. And my family would be mortified. What's that? It's either one of these or forget the whole thing? But Lord, I want to be your disciple, I mean, just being with you; that's all that counts; but life has to have a balance, too. But you don't understand...nobody lives that way today! Who is going to be attracted to this self-denial bit? I mean, I want to; but lets not over do it. Start getting radical like this and they'll have me hauled off to the funny farm. Know what I mean? I mean, being a disciple is challenging and exciting and I want to do it; but I do have some rights, you know. Now lets see...no blood...OK? I just can't stand the thought of that Lord...LORD? JESUS? Now, where do you suppose He went?

Matthew 10:37-38
Luke 9:23-24